5 Things Every Man Needs From His Wife

(Listen Up, Ladies — Four of Them Are Not Sex!)

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Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash
  1. Be his friend. Your husband needs your companionship.To know that you like spending time with him because you like him, as well as love him. Show interest in the things that interest him; go with him to a game or two, find enjoyment in at least one thing he likes to do. Never ridicule or pass off the things he likes as silly, stupid, or a waste of time. You’d never do that to a friend, would you? I said in last week’s post that every woman needs her husband to be president of her fan club…this is very similar, but with more action and less talk. Friendship between men is centered around doing things together. That’s how the real connecting happens. Pick an activity or learn to do something together that neither of you has done before. Try a few things until you find something that becomes your ‘thing’ you do together.
  2. Speak words of affirmation. Obviously, they need to be genuine words, but this is so important, it’s one of The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman! Affirmation is very similar to validation, but I think it applies to a lot more “everyday” stuff. Compliment how he looks, his cologne, his sense of humor. Tell him that (and why) you think he’s good at his job. Remind him why you love him and why you think others love him too. Affirm him every single day, without fail. Watch the effect it has on him — you will see his confidence grow and his affection for you increase. And, most likely, the compliments will begin to flow your way as well!
  3. Tell him you appreciate what he does. We women work hard, but our husbands do, too. And they need to hear from us that we are grateful for their hard work. At their jobs. For mowing the lawn and scooping up the dog poop when he doesn’t feel like doing either. For reaching every dang thing in those upper kitchen cabinets for us so that we don’t have to climb up on a chair or on the counter. The late night runs to the store when we forget something or have a craving. We need to tell them we appreciate them doing the everyday normal stuff, just as we appreciate those times they go above and beyond. Because, don’t we like to be thanked for those things, too? Everyone wants to feel that what they do matters, especially as a husband or wife. We want to be significant to our spouses in all sorts of ways, and recognized for it regularly. When we lavish our appreciation on one another, the other person doesn’t need to ask for it or go in search of finding it elsewhere. Husbands need to feel they are appreciated at home more than in any other context.
  4. Have sex regularly. You knew it had to be on this list. I was gonna list it first, and my husband told me to move it to the bottom. And here’s why: It’s the summation of numbers 1–4. It encompasses all of them and then some. So here’s the thing, ladies: we’re not always 100% compatible with him, are we? Like, you know…frequency, desire, drive…that kind of stuff. This was a major marital obstacle for us, particularly because I am a sexual abuse survivor. But without getting too personal, I’ve learned some things along the way. First of all, that we just don’t see or experience sex the same way, as men and women. And if we want to reach some kind of common ground in this area, a husband and wife must talk about sex candidly, honestly, and at times and places where it’s less likely to lead to an argument. We must each share our hows and whys and whats about it all. Chances are, they’re really, really different. And the things you’ve assumed all along about each other might not be exactly what you thought. Underneath the physicality of it all, sex for men validates, gives confidence, and provides nurture and love in a different way than it does for women. It satisfies (in part) the very basic needs of worthiness, value, and love. So be present with him. Don’t make him feel like you are with him out of obligation to your wifely duties. Deep needs, like the ones I’ve described, are never truly met with fake substitutes.

Written by

Beach-loving, coffee-seeking author who passionately pursues emotional & spiritual freedom. Adoptive mom, Jesus follower. Find me on michellewuesthoff.com

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